**FUCKING FOOTBALL FOR THOSE WHO GIVE A DAMN**

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The latest round of league action has come to a close, and with it, our weekly team rankings. We’ve crunched the numbers, factoring in key season statistics, recent performance, and expert analysis to bring you the definitive rundown of all 29 teams.

1. Inter Miami CF
Previous ranking: 1
Even on an off day, Inter Miami still manages to get results. They’re knocking on the door of the top prize, and it’s hard to bet against them.

2. Columbus Crew
Previous ranking: 2
Cucho Hernández’s incredible finish almost sparked a comeback win, but ultimately, the Crew couldn’t contain Christian Benteke. Their title hopes are still alive, but barely.

3. LA Galaxy
Previous ranking: 3
A well-timed bye week sets the Galaxy up for a crucial two-match stretch. They’re poised to secure the top seed in the West.

4. LAFC
Previous ranking: 5
LAFC’s Open Cup triumph was followed by a playoff-clinching win in Cincinnati. This team is firing on all cylinders, with contributions from everyone on the roster.

5. FC Cincinnati
Previous ranking: 4
The Garys are struggling to replicate last season’s home form. A 2-1 loss to LAFC marks their third defeat in five matches at TQL Stadium.

6. Real Salt Lake
Previous ranking: 7
RSL’s tough stretch continued with a draw in Austin. Their inability to close out matches is becoming a major concern.

7. Orlando City
Previous ranking: 10
The Lions showcased their versatility in a 3-1 win over Dallas. They’re on a nine-match unbeaten streak and looking like a serious contender in the East.

8. New York City FC
Previous ranking: 9
A 5-1 thrashing of the Red Bulls ended NYCFC’s league win drought. If they can maintain this form, a top-four seed and deep playoff run are within reach.

9. Houston Dynamo
Previous ranking: 6
Injuries are piling up for Houston, who fell to the Sounders despite Steve Clark’s heroics. They need to get healthy for the playoffs.

10. Seattle Sounders
Previous ranking: 13
The Sounders clinched a playoff spot and celebrated with a 1-0 win over the Dynamo. Who would have predicted this turnaround after their dismal start?

…and so on, with the rest of the teams ranked and summarized in a similar fashion.

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