Philly’s Pole Predicament: A City’s Quest for Victory
In a bold move, Philadelphia’s Mayor Cherelle Parker broke with tradition this week, opting not to grease the city’s lightpoles ahead of the Eagles’ NFC Championship Game. The decision proved to be a wise one, as the Eagles emerged victorious against the Commanders.
The Curse of the Greased Poles
In the past, the city’s premature pole-greasing has been met with disappointing results. The Eagles’ loss in Super Bowl LVII and the Phillies’ defeat in the 2023 NLCS are stark reminders that sometimes, it’s better to wait until the celebration is actually warranted.
A City Unleashed
With the poles left untouched, the city’s residents have taken matters into their own hands. Enthusiastic fans have been spotted scaling poles, with some even attempting to read inspirational messages like “Inner Excellence” while perched atop. Meanwhile, Philadelphia’s finest have been busy wrapping up would-be climbers, including youngsters who haven’t yet mastered the art of tying their shoes.
Pole Pandemonium
It’s a precarious time to be a pole in the Greater Philadelphia Area. With the Eagles’ victory, the city is abuzz with excitement, and it’s only a matter of time before every available pole is climbed. Even the most unlikely of individuals – including those who struggle with elevated surfaces – are getting in on the action.
A Warning to Poles Everywhere
If you’re a pole in Philly, beware: you’re a prime target for enthusiastic fans looking to celebrate their team’s success. It’s not a question of if, but when, you’ll be scaled. So, hold on tight and prepare for the wildest of rides!
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