The Art of Chaos: How I Masterminded a Social Media Uprising
As I sat stuck in traffic on Sunday night, still reeling from the Chiefs’ second consecutive Super Bowl win, a burning sense of injustice fueled my determination to take action. The rush of endorphins was bitter-sweet, knowing I’d been wrong about their playoff chances for two years running. And to add insult to injury, I’d lost a small fortune on the game. As a former player who’d worn the Silver & Black with pride, I couldn’t bring myself to celebrate the Chiefs’ victory, not when it seemed like the NFL and its officials were handing them the win on a silver platter.
A Decision to Disrupt
I faced a choice: stand idly by as Chiefs Kingdom gloated, or take matters into my own hands and unleash a little chaos. I chose the latter, drawing inspiration from the ancient wisdom of General Sun Tzu’s Art of War.
Step 1: Know Thy Enemy
To outmaneuver the Kingdom, I needed to understand their strengths and weaknesses. As a Missouri native, I knew my people all too well – our lack of education, high rates of STDs and COVID, and a penchant for vices like beer, tobacco, and adult entertainment. It was a vulnerable target, ripe for exploitation. Posting about the NFL being rigged like the WWE was a no-brainer, but even I was surprised by the fallout.
Step 2: Plan of Attack
The key to success lay in breaking the enemy’s resistance without firing a shot. When they attacked my 10-year Hall of Fame career and brought up CTE, I knew I had them right where I wanted them. They were broken, delusional, and utterly convinced I’d never don a gold jacket. The replies were priceless, even my own brother got in on the action. The plan was unfolding better than I’d hoped.
Step 3: Ratio Them into Oblivion
The final step was to ratio them so hard they’d need to relearn how to walk. As the post went viral, entering new audiences unaware of my identity, it became child’s play. The young man’s desperation was palpable, resorting to playing the victim card. I was in “the zone,” oblivious to everything except the present moment. It’s been a wild ride, but now we can all go back to watching the mainstream media spin the Chiefs’ underdog story. But I know the truth, and soon, so will Canton.
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