The Unspoken Truth About Support Systems
When life takes a difficult turn, it’s natural to expect a flood of support and encouragement from loved ones. However, reality often paints a different picture. As I’ve learned firsthand, even the closest of friends can disappear when you need them most.
A Personal Struggle
My wife and I have been battling cancer, and it’s been a challenging journey. We’ve gone from being social butterflies to feeling like outcasts. It’s as if our friends are afraid to get too close, fearing they might catch the “plague” of mortality. A younger doctor friend I met through my blog shed some light on this phenomenon, suggesting that people our age might avoid us because they don’t want to confront their own mortality.
The False Promise of Help
What’s worse than not receiving offers of help is getting empty promises from those who don’t follow through. A retired nurse neighbor offered to assist with my wife’s IV meds, but when the time came, she backed out due to prior commitments. I was left feeling anxious and overwhelmed, forced to take on medical responsibilities I wasn’t prepared for.
A Glimmer of Hope
Among the few who have extended a helping hand is my next-door neighbor, a retiree who takes in my packages and helps with errands. Another neighbor, a former cycling buddy, stopped by to offer assistance, such as food shopping or lawn care. Although it was awkward to accept help, I knew I needed it.
The Reality of Good Intentions
However, even with the best of intentions, people’s promises often fall through. My cycling buddy offered to mow my lawn, but a series of excuses and delays followed. I eventually had to take matters into my own hands, mowing the overgrown grass myself.
A Lesson Learned
Now, when someone says, “Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help,” I’ve learned to spare myself the disappointment and not respond. It’s a hard truth to accept, but people often don’t mean what they say. As I joke, when I’m gone, some friends will finally reach out, saying, “I meant to call him…”
The Importance of Accountability
I wish people would think before offering help, understanding the weight of their words. It’s essential to be honest about our capabilities and limitations, rather than making promises we can’t keep. Only then can we build truly supportive communities that stand by each other in times of need.
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