The Ultimate Frat House Couch Ranking
In the heart of a Nebraska fraternity senior house, we stumbled upon a treasure trove of eight couches, each with its own unique character. Before we dive into the rankings, let’s appreciate the setup’s finer points.
A Coffee Table Fit for Champions
The pièce de résistance is the double bong, reminiscent of Tony La Russa’s strategic pitching decisions in the 2006 playoffs. Paired with a protein-shaker-turned-shot-pourer and a blow torch lighter, this coffee table is the epitome of greatness. Who needs a fancy grinder when you’ve got the essentials covered?
A Few Quirks and Questionable Choices
The 6969 breathalyzer poster might be a bit too… enthusiastic, while the double UFC poster is a bit too… much. And let’s not forget the suspiciously acquired Christmas tree, likely pilfered from a charity event. But hey, we won’t judge.
Couch Rankings: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
After careful consideration, we present to you the definitive couch rankings:
8th Place: The Least Favorite
This couch is relegated to the corner, with awkward access to the coffee table and an inconvenient phone-holding situation. It’s reserved for the least popular guy in the house.
7th Place: The Farting Champion
Banished to the corner, this couch is for the guy who farts too much and always falls asleep during the first half. Nice stadium seating, but that’s about it.
6th Place: The Bong Buddy
Too close to the action, this couch is perfect for passing around the bongs, but also prone to messy cleanups.
5th Place: The Committed Relationship Couch
You can see the whole room, but texting with your left hand might be a challenge. This couch is for the guy in a committed relationship who’s usually pretty low-key.
4th Place: The Garbage Can Couch
Next to a trash can and centered in the room, this couch is perfect for getting handed beers and food. Plus, you can put your feet up on the corner of #3 without much disruption.
3rd Place: The Recliner of Solitude
This classic recliner is offset from the TV arrangement, perfect for those who want to sit alone. It might be a challenge to get out of, but it’s worth it for some alone time.
2nd Place: The Remote Control King
With the best view of the TV and remote control responsibility, this couch is for the guy who likes to drive the bus. You’re also arms’ reach from everything and centered for conversation.
1st Place: The Grand Champion
This couch offers the easiest access, maximum room to put your feet up, and elite access to both TVs. The only downside? You’re responsible for getting the delivery from the front door.
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