What Would You Do for $12 Million?
When news broke that Brianna Chickenfry turned down a whopping $12 million hush money settlement from Zach Bryan, many of us were left wondering what could have possibly driven him to offer such a staggering sum. But I took a different approach – I started thinking about what I would be willing to endure in exchange for that kind of cash.
The Math Behind the Madness
Before we dive into the absurd scenarios, let’s crunch some numbers. NDA settlements are taxable, which seems unfair considering personal injury and divorce settlements aren’t. Assuming a $12 million settlement gets whittled down to around $7 million after taxes and legal fees, that leaves a tidy sum for “fun money” – think investments, real estate, and indulgent hobbies.
The Real Prize: Financial Freedom
But the real treasure lies in the remaining $6 million. Invested conservatively in treasury bonds, it could yield a comfortable annual income of around $280,000. That’s a stress-free salary without dipping into the principal amount. Of course, diversification is key, but the possibilities are endless.
The Darkly Imaginative List
So, what would I be willing to endure for $12 million? Here are a few… creative ideas:
- Guitar-Based Proctology
I’m not sure how Zach Bryan would manage to finagle the tuning end of his guitar into my rectum, but I’m willing to overlook the logistics. Perhaps a wooden soup ladle would come in handy?
- A Life Without Air Conditioning
No AC for the rest of my life? No problem! The discomfort would be worth it for the crisp, fanned-out stack of hundreds I’d use to tip UberEats drivers.
- Becoming a Mover
I’d willingly commit to being a part-time mover – the hardest job I can think of – in exchange for the cash. No walkups, twice a week at most. My terms, my rules.
Brianna’s Unwavering Integrity
In the end, Brianna’s decision not to take the money speaks volumes about her character, moral compass, and sense of self. She’s a megastar, and I’m just a humble blogger willing to entertain absurd scenarios for a fat paycheck.
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