**F**ucking Baseball Is Back, You Pussies!

The Motor City’s Finest Make History

Detroit’s baseball team has ended a decade-long drought, clinching a wild-card berth in the American League playoffs. This remarkable achievement comes after a phenomenal late-season surge, with the team winning six straight and 10 of 11 games.

“This team is on fire,” said the team’s president of baseball operations. “We’ve got the talent and determination to make a deep run in October, and we’re not going to let up now.”

The team’s playoff spot was secured with a 4-1 victory over the struggling Chicago White Sox, who set a modern major league record with their 121st loss of the season. Detroit will face off against either the top AL wild card or the AL West champion in a best-of-three series starting next week.

The team’s turnaround is nothing short of remarkable. Just a month ago, they were 10 games out of the last wild card spot, but a 31-11 streak propelled them into the postseason for the first time since 2014. During that stretch, the team boasted the lowest ERA in baseball and the largest run differential.

“It’s a dream come true,” said first baseman Spencer Torkelson. “We’ve worked so hard to get to this point, and it’s amazing to see it all pay off.”

The team’s rotation is led by ace Tarik Skubal, a top contender for the AL Cy Young Award. The bullpen has been solid, with Jason Foley racking up 28 saves. The offense has been clicking, with timely hits coming from top to bottom, led by All-Star outfielder Riley Greene.

Despite facing long odds, the team persevered and overcame adversity to reach the postseason. A month ago, their chances of making the playoffs were 33-1, and their World Series odds were as high as 500-1. Now, they’re just 30-1 to win it all.

“I’m so proud of every single player on this team,” said the team’s president of baseball operations. “They’ve faced challenges and overcome them, and they deserve every bit of this success.”

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