**F**cking Baseball Is Back, You Pussies!

The 2024 Chicago Team now stands alone in baseball’s hall of futility — 121 losses and counting, a staggering total too extreme to completely grasp. It’s surreal. It’s jaw-dropping. And if it had not actually happened, you might think it was impossible.

Believe it or not, this season across the league is one of relative parity, a general regression toward the middle after a period of unusual polarization in the sport. At least that’s true at the top of the standings. For the first time since 2014, there isn’t going to be a 100-win team this season.

But you won’t find parity on the South Side of Chicago. That the Team would set the mark in such a context underscores how remarkable it is that they’ve done what they’ve done.

That number — 121 — is bad enough, but of course Chicago has a few more days to add to it. The final number will hang like an albatross around everyone associated with the team forever.

Here are 12 numbers that help explain the 2024 Chicago Team:

81.7% – The percentage of fans who, in a recent poll, said they were rooting for the team to break the loss record.

7 – The number of wins from the team’s starting pitching leader, a remarkably low number.

12 – The number of consecutive starts made by right-hander Chris Flexen in games his team went on to lose, a modern record.

20 – The number of consecutive starts without earning a winning decision by Flexen, a streak that was finally snapped recently.

35% – The team’s save percentage, the worst in baseball and not close.

9 – The number of triples by the team all season, four fewer than any other team.

$3.37M – The cost per win for the team, a staggering amount considering their few victories.

.235 – The winning percentage of the 1916 Philadelphia Athletics, the worst in modern baseball history, a mark the Team is trying to avoid.

2 – The number of managers the team has had this season, with the current one taking over on an interim basis.

Minus-21.5 – The team’s pace of 40 wins, 21.5 below their baseline expectation entering the season.

Minus-7 – The team’s run differential, representative of a team that ought to win 47 games over a 162-game campaign, putting them on track to finish seven wins short of their run profile.

274 – The number of days until the MLB regular season comes to an end, and the team can start fresh next spring.

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